Expanding through horizons

The title makes me sound so ambitious.

Today, The Enterprise published a "Where are they now?" article featuring yours truly. The feature is meant to track down former local high school athletes and update readers on what they're doing and where they're working now.

I have my dad to thank for this flattering 500+ word article, as he recommended me to the journalist as a subject for the feature. We did the interview through email, per my request, so you'll see many of my quotes in the article.

My dad, who reads this publication early and often, says this feature is not normally this extensive - usually with just a small blurb about an alum along with their picture. Little did I know the reporter would include a good 50 inches of print space on me.


All in all, I'm proud of the article and thankful to the reporter, and of course - my dad! I'm not the volleyball player I used to be, but I think I gave present athletes some valuable advice.

In print,
Bridget Marie

Blog comments: the good, the bad, and the ugly

The good: promoting conversation

Leaving comments on blogs you read is a great way to engage in a discussion and promote conversation about a post or post topic. Before leaving comments on your own blog, however, a comment response policy should be established and adhered to. Your policy, or lack thereof can change and define the dynamics of your community. If you are not aware of your comment response habits, then you are not in control of the community you are creating and encouraging.

In the beginning of building any blog, the settings require the author to choose who is allowed to comment and how the comments will be moderated. There is either a public commentary, public commentary with author's approval before publishing, or no public commentary prohibited whatsoever. Generally, blogs in which public commentary is prohibited, are lecture-style blogs and are highly scrutinized and ridiculed. Some believe that a blog without comments is not really a blog, due to the fact that disabling comments disables the exchanging of ideas, therefore defeating the purpose of a blog to begin with.

Still, disabling public commentary is a good way to keep the wolves at bay. Sometimes, the public can be a little harsh. Which brings me to...

The bad: defending yourself, defending your writing

Bloggers are writers who are sometimes very public with their personal lives and opinions. With one question comes five responders, and it is not always positive feedback. As in real life, people defend their opinions and speak their minds, sometimes in a graphic and unwarranted nature, simply because a blog post provoked them. By commenting on your own blog in response to unruly or provocative public commentary, you might find yourself on the defense, defending yourself and defending your writing.

With the good comments that promote conversation and support your messages, comes the bad comments that criticize your work and question your authority or motivation. Defensiveness is anger's ugly cousin, and other commenters and readers will see right through your comment to your impetuosity.

Reverting back to an established comment response policy will help navigate these choppy waters and get you safely to land without compromising your beliefs, looking like a defensive fool and sacrificing readership.

The ugly: fueling the fire

There is nothing wrong with responding to provocative commentary on your blog, as long as it is done with calmness and collectivity. Responses built on initial emotion or defensiveness, will serve as transparent red flags of desperation to your blog visitors, commenters and readers.

When encountering an inflammatory or rebellious comment on your blog, often the initial reaction is to comment back. Explain why you wrote what you wrote. Unfortunately, appealing to an unmanageable commenter's need for reason is not always successful and can just add fuel to the fire – encouraging a simultaneous outburst of commentary discussion you may or may not have wanted or planned for.

You've just gone from a three-log campfire to raging forest inferno in a matter of comments.

Beyond the ugly: everyone is a critic

There is a difference between irreverent commentary and respectfully brazen contributions. Just because a commenter disagrees with what you wrote or the message you delivered, does not warrant a Medieval animal hunt or public harassment. As a blogger, encountering different opinions and exchanging different ideas is part of the package deal. Being prepared to receive constructive criticism is what separates real communicators from the wannabes. Choose how you want to handle all your comments before they happen:

Option one: ignore them. This works great for the bad and the ugly, anytime you're dealing with commenters who are not offering constructive criticism.

Option two: apologize. Sometimes without intention, your thoughts and words can just offend someone. If you're sorry, apologize.

Option three: respond. See the below options for creating engaging, respectful responses.

Option four: don't take it personally. You have a blog, your life is public. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best, but don't take the criticism personally.

Building your comment response policy: many choices

Selected response: when you respond to some comments and not others. Sometimes a popularity game, when you choose to respond to select comments, you encourage exclusivity among readers, and some might feel left out. Even a random selection of comments can be destructive to the community's environment.

No response: when you do not comment on your own blog at all. Not responding to comments can send a message to your readers that you don't really care what they think and you're not interested in their thoughts. Lack of an author response will equal fewer commenters in the long run.

Ongoing response: when a blogger comments on every single individual comment as it is published. This tactic often results in off-topic conversation, which may take away from your original message, but you're also simultaneously keeping your commenters engaged and entertained. This way, no one is left out.

Personal response: when a blogger responds to select commentary using each commenter's username to indicate who the response is for or directed to. This is likely the most popular tactic to engage visitors to continue commenting because you’re starting many conversations at once.

Individual response: when a blogger responds to a comment via-personal email. This is a great way to keep the off-topic conversation off your blog comment area and not neglect your commenters at the same time.

Variety: when a blogger uses a combination of the aforementioned tactics. Monitor the feedback you get from each and customize your strategy to suit the needs of your blog and the needs of your readers. Try not to confuse people by adopting too many alternate tactics, but test drive a few and record your successes.

For more information: Subscribe to Baltimore Social Media Examiner for automated email updates, visit www.NumbersNotInvited.com or follow me on Twitter @bridgetforney. Email me at bridget.forney@gmail.com.

To my readers: I do not normally double post articles on my blogs, publishing the same information twice, however I thought that this particular article was relevant to each of my blog's demographics. You can see the original article posting here!

Are you going through a Quarter Life Crisis?

Quarter Life Crisis (KWOR•tur•lyf KRY•sus) noun. Feelings of confusion, anxiety, and self-doubt experienced by some people in their twenties, especially after completing their education. (as taken from WordSpy)

We’ve all heard of the mid-life crisis, but who knew we’d be going through one at quarter-life in addition!? That’s a lot of time spent in crisis mode. If you’re a twenty-something or were one, you know these years are scary, confusing, inspiring, wearisome, exciting and transformational times, to say the very least.

We feel pressured to know where exactly our lives are headed when half the time, we don’t even know what path we’re on. When I don’t know the answer to the question, “Where do you see yourself in ten years?” people look at me like I just shot my neighbor. My answer to that question in middle school in no way matches up to what really happened, so why waste the time fabricating a lie to work toward for the next ten years?

Thankfully, life coach Christine Hassler developed a list of questions to help quarter lifers know if they are, in fact, experiencing a crisis. If you answer, “yes” to 12 or more of these 25 questions, then you’re likely experiencing a quarter life crisis.

1. Are you in a "funk" where you feel like nothing is terribly wrong, but nothing seems right either?
2. Do you feel older for the first time in your life?
3. Are you unmotivated, directionless or passionless?
4. Are you concerned that you don't know what you want to do with your life?
5. Do you feel pressure to grow up and get your adult life in order?
6. Do you feel entitled to a life much grander than the one you are living?
7. Do you often feel depressed, anxious, overwhelmed, lost, and maybe even a little hopeless?
8. Do you feel a lot of pressure and expectations to do, have or be something?
9. Do you ever feel that time is running out in regards to figuring out your career and deciding whether you want to get married and/or have children?
10. Are you stressed out by choices that seemingly will affect the rest of your life?
11. Are you experiencing confusion or disappointment in your career?
12. Do you feel that you have failed because you don't know what you want to do with your life?
13. Do you know what you want to do, but can't seem to make it work?
14. Is it difficult for you to make decisions and when you do, you question them?
15. Do you overanalyze yourself?
16. Do you ever feel guilty for complaining about your life or feel like you are disappointing people (especially your parents)?
17. Are you embarrassed that you have not figured out more?
18. Is a breakup, romantic relationship, or lack of one causing you stress and/or sadness?
19. Are you still living at home with mom and dad?
20. Do you frequently compare yourself to other people your age and feel like you don't measure up?
21. Do you feel financially unstable?
22. Could your self-esteem use an upgrade?
23. Are you thinking about going back to grad school because you don't know what else to do with your life?
24. Are you constantly thinking about the future resulting in anxiety and possibly panic?
25. Is your life just not at all turning out like you planned?

Hassler says if you’re one of thousands having a tough time in your twenties, not to panic. Apparently, it’s a normal reaction to the changing atmosphere that is twenties life. Ugh. So this “quarter life crisis” is basically puberty for 20-somethings. Well, there’s something for our young successors to look forward to!

It could be the last milestone for us for a while. Shall we check the chart?

Just kidding! Life doesn't really go that way, but when you're smack center in the middle of a quarter-life crisis, you might think it does.

Even though I’m not really to the quarter life yet, I answered yes to some of these questions. You think if you’re going to bed at 9:30 p.m. on your 25th birthday, you’ve suddenly aged twenty years and become your parents. I’m 23 now and already have noticed a decrease in my nightlife activities. But I’ve also seen a huge increase in other things I find monumentally more important. People grow up and priorities change, if you are going through a mid life crisis, embrace it; you’re about to see the brighter side of life.

Old age is EARNED.

I just hope to maintain this positive mentality well into my forties.
Bridget Marie

To the ROOT

“but if a woman has long hair, it is a glory to her? For her hair is given to her for a covering.” - 1 Corinthians 11:15

Ah, hair. I remember my mother having to hold me down when I was small to violently yank a comb through my twelve inch-long dark brown locks. There were areas on my scalp I'm sure a bird could have easily laid eggs on, the rat's nest evidence of my childhood play. The pain. The misery. The tangles! So many tears...all in the name of good hair. I'm shocked I made it to the pre-teen years without a razor brought to my scalp from a mother's desperation! If ever in the same situation, I won't hesitate to execute a good militant style shave to my children's heads; they'll thank me for it someday, I'm sure.

There are a lot of politics surrounding hair – the business of hair, in particular. The supply barely reaches the demand, and women, especially, can see the hurt on their wallets. Apparently, the “hair” industry is a six billion dollar business, but can you really put a price on your head? Spending money on my hair is something I never really thought about before in terms of annual expenses. Looking into my cabinet, I counted all of the “hair” products I own: I have the general hair spray, hair styling gel and mousse. But then I also noticed some blow-drying heat protection spray, “piecing” cream and “shine” glaze. Easily, each of these probably cost between ten and fifteen dollars a piece. So rounding up, that's close to $100.00 just in styling products. Not to mention I own a blow dryer, three different curling irons, a straightening iron and a wave rod.

Then there is all the maintenance: hair cuts, hair wash, etc. For me, a hair cut usually runs around $30.00, if I'm lucky. My shampoo and conditioner are about ten dollars each for a family-sized bottle, which will last me about a month. Since my hair is extra long – I go through much more than the average person. Additionally, I hate to even mention the $35.00 bottle of designer “volume” conditioner I bought because I heard Kourtney Kardashian used it. And did it make my hair any more voluminous? I've yet to notice the distinction. Sigh...impulse buy. Still, now we're talking annual hair costs upwards of $400.00. That sounds hefty, right?

Apparently, it's NOTHING compared to the annual cost of a black woman's hair.

When I watched the previews for Chris Rock's Good Hair, I was thrilled to see someone finally doing an expose on the black hair industry – and who else better than Chris Rock to bust the commercial enterprise wide open? As many interviewees explained in the film, white people are just curious. There is so much I don't know about black hair maintenance, how could I be anything but?

Good Hair is a documentary film by comedian Chris Rock that shows a behind-the-scenes look at black hair and the industry surrounding it. Rock visits beauty salons, barbershops, conventions, scientific laboratories and Indian temples to explore the way hairstyles impact the activities, pocketbooks, sexual relationships and self-esteem of the black community. He also interviews celebrities such as Nia Long, Lauren London and Raven Symone for the inside dish on weave-ology. We learn from these charming celebrities that they rely mostly on weaves, which range in price from $1,000 to $5,000, not including installation and regular maintenance. Ice-T, Nia Long, Paul Mooney, Raven-Symone, Maya Angelou, Salt-n-Pepa, Eve and Reverend Al Sharpton also talk about their experiences with black hair in the movie prompted by Rock's little girl asking him, “Daddy, why don't I have good hair?”

$5,000 is a shocking price tag for good hair. Ice-T justifies the expense, “might as well do what makes the woman happy. If the woman ain't happy, she'll be bringin' pain to every-f***in'-body around her.”

I watched barbers talk about weaves, women and the infamous “creamy crack,” what some call the hair “relaxer” that has been relaxing black hair for decades. Unknown to many, this “creamy crack” has a main ingredient of sodium hydroxide (aka lye), a harmful chemical found in many industrial solvents and cleaners, including flooring stripping products, brick cleaners, cements. If left on the scalp too long, the relaxer actually burns the skin and causes all the hair to fall out. According to Rock, it's an experience most of the black community is all too familiar with.

Why would anyone want such a thing near their hair? Rock offers the excuse of a pressure to conform, to look “more white.” It is also mentioned in the film, "if your hair is relaxed, white people are relaxed. If your hair is nappy, white people aren't happy."

So how does Rock answer his impressionable young daughter's question about “good hair”? He told her, “...the stuff on top of your head is nowhere near as important as the stuff inside your head.”

Can I get an “amen”,

Bridget Marie