The Constellation Energy Umbrella

E-mail to my friend Mike (who gave me the constellation energy umbrella):

This morning I woke up to find that the skies were very angry. Upon leaving the house, I looked into the coat closet for an umbrella to shield me from these tiny cold droplets of hell.

I found three umbrellas. One was black. One was red. And one had “Constellation energy” written on it in big letters with a little company logo.

I thought to myself, “I’ll try the constellation energy umbrella”

When I opened it, it pinched my finger. I should have known then it was a piece of sh**.

When I walked outside I felt a hefty dribble of rain on top of my head and running down my neck. I look up. Sure enough. There is a big fat hole in the umbrella. I have already left the house so at this point I am subjected to using the useless thing for the remainder of the day.

Now I am thinking to myself, “Constellation Energy WOULD distribute umbrellas with holes in them to all of their employees”

Note to self: Throw away the constellation energy umbrella.

Email reply from my friend Mike:

The skies are always angry it seems. Well I guess that’s what you get when you trust a product from a faceless corporation. And the worst part? There is no actual person to confront with your anger, just “Constellation Energy”. Sure you can contact a representative, but rest assured they will be in no way responsible for the matter at hand.

Sorry you had to go through that, haha. Oh wait I just had a flash. Remember when I was attacking the trees with the umbrellas (the night I left it at your house)?? Do you think this could have caused the hole?

Nah probably completely unrelated.




Word to the wise: If Constellation Energy ever offers you a free umbrella...do not accept.

xo,
Bridget Marie