A few things a new puppy should learn, for a dachshund, from a dachshund!

Visitors: Quickly determine which guest is afraid of dogs. Charge across the room, barking loudly and leap playfully on this person. If the human falls down on the floor and starts crying, lick its face and growl gently to show your concern.

Barking: Because you are a dachshund, you are expected to bark. So bark - a lot. Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting their house. Especially late at night while they are sleeping safely in their beds. There is no more secure feeling for a human than to keep waking up in the middle of the night and hearing your protective bark, bark, bark ...

Licking: Always take a big drink from your water dish immediately before licking your human. Humans prefer clean tongues. Be ready to fetch your human a towel.

Holes: Rather than digging a big hole in the middle of the yard and upsetting your human, dig a lot of smaller holes all over the yard so they won't notice. If you arrange a little pile of dirt on one side of each hole, maybe they'll think it's gophers. There are never enough holes in the ground. Strive daily to do your part to help correct this problem.

Sniffing: Humans like to be sniffed. Everywhere. It is your duty, as the family dachshund, to accommodate them.

Dining Etiquette: Always sit under the table at dinner, especially when there are guests, so you can clean up any food that falls on the floor. It's also a good time to practice your sniffing.

Housebreaking: Housebreaking is very important to humans, so break as much of the house as possible.

Going for Walks: Rules of the road: When out for a walk with your master or mistress, never go to the bathroom on your own lawn.

Chewing: Make a contribution to the fashion industry ... Eat a shoe.

brought to you by Merlot and Moses.

30 reasons you MIGHT be a dachshund person...

1. If you can't see out the passenger side of the windshield because there are nose prints all over the inside, you MIGHT be a dachshund person.

2. If you like people who like your dachshund. You despise people who don’t; you MIGHT be a dachshund person.

3. If you are the only idiot walking in the pouring rain because your dachshund needs to potty, you MIGHT be a dachshund person.

4. If you never completely finish a piece of steak or chicken at a restaurant (so your dachshund gets a taste, too), you MIGHT be a dachshund person.

5. If you avoid vacuuming the house as long as possible because your dachshund is afraid of the vacuum cleaner, you MIGHT be a dachshund person.

6. If you make popcorn just to play catch with your dachshund, you MIGHT be a dachshund person.

7. If you carry pictures of your dachshund in your wallet instead of pictures of your parents, siblings, significant other, or anyone else remotely human, you MIGHT be a dachshund person.

8. If your dachshund is the star of your World Wide Web site, you MIGHT be a dachshund person.

9. If you have 32 different names for your dachshund. Most make no sense, but she understands, you MIGHT be a dachshund person.

10. If you carry dachshund biscuits in your purse or pocket at all times, you MIGHT be a dachshund person.

11. If you talk about your dachshund the way other people talk about their kid, you MIGHT be a dachshund person.

12. If you sign and send birthday/anniversary/Christmas cards from your dachshund, you MIGHT be a dachshund person.

13. If you put an extra blanket on the bed so your dachshund can be comfortable, you MIGHT be a dachshund person.

14. If you'd rather stay home on Saturday night and cuddle your dachshund than go to the movies with your sweetie, you MIGHT be a dachshund person.

15. If you go to the pet supply store every Saturday because it's one of the very few places that lets you bring your dachshund inside, and your dachshund loves to go with you, you MIGHT be a dachshund person.

16. If you open your purse, and that big bunch of baggies you use for pick-ups pops out, you MIGHT be a dachshund person.

18. If you and the dachshund come down with something like flu on the same day, your dachshund sees the vet while you settle for an over-the-counter remedy from the drugstore, you MIGHT be a dachshund person.

19. If your dachshund is getting old and arthritic, so you go buy lumber and build her a small staircase so she can climb onto the bed by herself, you MIGHT be a dachshund person.

23. If you have your dachshund's picture on your office desk (but no one else's), you MIGHT be a dachshund person.

24. If you lecture people on responsible dachshund ownership every chance you get, you MIGHT be a dachshund person.

25. If you skip breakfast so you can walk your dachshund in the morning before work, you MIGHT be a dachshund person.

26. If you don't go to happy hours with co-workers any more because you need to go home and see your dachshund, you MIGHT be a dachshund person.

28. If your weekend activities are planned around taking your dachshund for a hike (both days), you MIGHT be a dachshund person.

29. If you keep eating even after finding a dachshund hair in your pasta, you MIGHT be a dachshund person.

30. If when you get your latest roll of film and there isn't a single picture of a two-legged person in it, you MIGHT be a dachshund person.

How to keep your human in check, for a dachshund, from a dachshund

If you want to keep your humans in-check, mind these rules:

• After your humans give you a bath, don't let them towel-dry you! Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself off on the sheets. This is especially good if it's right before your humans bedtime.

• Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come home, put your ears back, tail between your legs, chin down and act as if you have done something really bad. Then, watch as the humans frantically search the house for the damage they think you have caused (Note: This only works when you have done absolutely nothing wrong).

• Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly. Then the humans try to demonstrate it to someone else, stare blankly back at the humans. Pretend you have no idea what they're talking about.

• Make your humans be patient. When you go outside to go pee, sniff around the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the spot you choose to go pee will ultimately decide the fate of the earth.

• Draw attention to the human. When out for a walk always pick the busiest, most visible spot to go poop. Take your time and make sure everyone watches. This works particularly well if your humans have forgotten to bring a plastic bag.

• When out for a walk, alternate between choking and coughing every time a strange human walks by.

• Make your own rules. Don't always bring back the stick when playing fetch with the humans. Make them go and chase it once in a while.

• Hide from your humans. When your humans come home, don't greet them at the door. Instead, hide from them, and make them think something terrible has happened to you (don't reappear until one of your humans is panic- stricken and close to tears).

• When your human calls you to come back in, always take your time. Walk as slowly as possible back to the door.

• Wake up twenty minutes before the alarm clock is set to go off and make the humans take you out for your morning pee. As soon as you get back inside, fall asleep (humans can rarely fall back asleep after going outside, this will drive them nuts!).

The Story of Creation as told by a dachshund

On the first day of creation, God created the dog.

On the second day, God created man to serve the dog.

On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth (especially the horse) to serve as potential food for the dog.

On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labour for the good of the dog.

On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball so that the dog might or might not retrieve it.

On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the dog healthy and the man broke.

On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to walk the dog.

12 Days of Puppy Christmas

(Sung to the tune of the 12 days of Christmas)

On the first day of Christmas my puppy gave to me:
The Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the second day of Christmas my puppy gave to me:
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the third day of Christmas my puppy gave to me:
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the fourth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me:
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the fifth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me:
Five chewed-up stockings
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the sixth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me:
Six yards of soggy ribbon
Five chewed-up stockings
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the seventh day of Christmas my puppy gave to me:
Seven scraps of wrapping paper
Six yards of soggy ribbon
Five chewed-up stockings
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the eighth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me:
Eight tiny reindeer fragments
Seven scraps of wrapping paper
Six yards of soggy ribbon
Five chewed-up stockings
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the ninth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me:
My wreath in nine pieces
Eight tiny reindeer fragments
Seven scraps of wrapping paper
Six yards of soggy ribbon
Five chewed-up stockings
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the tenth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me:
Ten Christmas cards I shoulda mailed
My wreath in nine pieces
Eight tiny reindeer fragments
Seven scraps of wrapping paper
Six yards of soggy ribbon
Five chewed-up stockings
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the eleventh day of Christmas my puppy gave to me:
Eleven unwrapped presents
Ten Christmas cards I shoulda mailed
My wreath in nine pieces
Eight tiny reindeer fragments
Seven scraps of wrapping paper
Six yards of soggy ribbon
Five chewed-up stockings
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the twelfth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me:
A dozen puppy kisses
And I forgot all about the other eleven days.

How to photograph a puppy:

Since everyone has been asking me how I get these great shots of my puppies, I have made this how-to list on how to photograph a puppy...

1. Dig out digital camera from purse.
   
2. Pry puppy's teeth off of the camera wrist strap.
   
3. Choose suitable background for photo.
4. Mount camera on tripod and focus.
5. Find puppy and take dirty sock out of the mouth.
6. Place puppy in prefocused spot and return to camera.
7. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
8. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with the other hand.
9. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
10. Put magazines back on coffee table.
11. Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.
12. Fix your hair and check camera for damage.
13. Jump up in time to grab puppy by the scruff of the neck and say "No..outside!"
14. Call someone to help clean up the mess.
15. Sit back in chair for deep breathing and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" first thing next morning.

Christmas etiquette rules, from a dachshund, for a dachshund.

Christmas etiquette rules, from a dachshund, for a dachshund.

1. Be especially patient with your humans during this time. They may appear to be more stressed-out than usual and they will appreciate long comforting dachshund leans.

2. They may come home with large bags of things they call “gifts”. Do not assume that all the “gifts” are yours. Still, you should do whatever you can to try to help and wrap them. I find that sitting on the wrapping paper, eating the tape, and rolling in the ribbon, without fail, always end in a smile on my human’s face and a belly rub for me!

3. Be tolerant if your humans put decorations on you. They seem to get some special kind of pleasure out of seeing how you look with fake antlers. We all know reindeer are not real.

4. They may bring a large tree into the house and set it up in a prominent place and cover it with lights and decorations. Bizarre as this may seem to you, it is an important ritual for your humans, so there are some things you need to know:

- Don’t pee on the tree
- Don’t drink water in the container that holds the tree
- Mind your tail when you are near the tree
- If there are packages under the tree, even ones that smell interesting or that have your name on them, don't rip them open
- Don’t chew on the cord that runs from the funny-looking hole in the wall to the tree

5. Your humans may occasionally invite lots of strangers to come visit during this season. These parties can be lots of fun, but they also call for some discretion on your part:

- - Not all strangers appreciate kisses and leans
- - Don’t eat off the buffet table
- - Beg for goodies subtly
- - Be pleasant, even if unknowing strangers sit on your sofa
- - Don’t drink out of glasses that are left within your reach.

6. Likewise, your humans may take you visiting. Here your manners will also be important:

- -Observe all the rules in #4 for trees that may be in other people's houses.
- - Respect the territory of other animals that may live in the house
- - Tolerate children
- - Turn on your charm big time.

7. A big man with a white beard and a very loud laugh may emerge from your fireplace in the middle of the night. DON'T BITE HIM!!

Written by Merlot & Moses for their fellow dachshund friends...

About Me

I hate numbers. I have hated numbers since, I am pretty confident, birth. As soon as I heard the doctors counting my fingers and toes, I could feel my ears bleeding. When mom said, “my one and only…” I thought I liked the number one…then Number Two, also known as Becky, came along. At the age of five, when I had to start counting the number of times Number Two kept knocking down my block tower, my hate for numbers just grew. In little league softball, when my dad was the coach of my team and made me throw 100 pitches a day to a square box drawn on our fence to “perfect my pitching,” I learned that counting down, rather than up, made the numbers go by faster, but were still a nuisance. In third grade, I started receiving actual letter grades rather than a check plus or minus, and when I realized each letter had a number value, you might as well have told me to never look at my report card again, because that is exactly what happened. Then my hate for numbers grew when, in seventh grade, I took my first algebra class. Mom and dad soon realized I was shunning the teacher, the grade and the numbers behind them, and hired a tutor. The flash cards helped, but when a person’s loathe for numbers is deep-seated and learned from years of associating numbers with unpleasant childhood experiences, there’s really no going back from that.

Denominators, coefficients, quadratic equations, greatest common factors, least common multiples, square roots, fractions, decimals, percentages and exponents…you might as well be speaking Japanese. Thank God for Blaise Pascal and the digital calculator. I’m not sure how I’d get along if I still had to use an Abacus.

Time is no friend to me either. Sundials I get. The hourglass is simple enough also. Numbers ordered in a clockwise circle? Preposterous. I prefer order. An hourglass is a model for order. It can’t freeze. It won’t spill over. It doesn’t need refilling. It runs at a steady rate whether the reservoir is full or nearly empty. Numbers? They go up, they go down, they go big, they go small, and they even stand on top of one another sometimes. I can’t think of anything more confusing.

I don’t really play well with numbers, and that’s why I created my own little spot on the web to keep them out. Aside from mathematicians, everyone is welcome!

Bridget Marie

PORTFOLIO

Sleeping with long dogs...

Last night, I took some pictures of us laying in bed about to go to sleep. Well, the puppies were already asleep...but they started to wake up when I started taking their picture!!
This will most likely be my last post for a week before I leave to spend Christmas in Arkansas! So, enjoy these photos and I hope they hold you over until I return. (You better believe, I will have much to say and post when I get back!)
If you're really itching to read something I wrote, Who's Your Dachshund will be publishing a post of mine next week on the 23rd! Make sure you check in and read it! ; - )

Merlot says, "I told you not to take my pickshah muddah!"

The usual sleeping patterns of the Forney dachshunds!

Merlot loves her dad so very much. Here she is sprawled out in complete happiness and with not a care in the world. (You can see her under-belly furs are growing back from when they were shaved off for the spay surgery.)

Happy holidays to all and happy tails,
bridget marie

Moses in the news

Today, Moses was in the newspaper!
Check it out here or get your copy of b daily!

It's a dog's life...

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary.....
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played outside! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary...
Day 983 of my captivity...My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards. There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now................

daily ramblin'...Find YOUR spot!

I just stumbled upon this very cool website (thank you Amy Mulvihill from Baltimore magazine for the idea!), and I thought I would share with everyone! The website is called findyourspot.com
Take the quick quiz and the website generates a list of the best cities and small towns in the nation that fit YOU! It's VERY cool, and I encourage everyone to try it!

Here's my list!



























Deland, Florida is known as "The Athens of Florida"

In the lake-studded St. Johns River region of central Florida, between magical Orlando and exciting Daytona Beach, lies DeLand. This little city in America’s Sun Belt is home to more than 20,000 people and three National Historic Register neighborhoods. DeLand is one of America’s truly rejuvenated downtown areas.

Average July High: 90 Degrees
Average January Low: 48 Degrees
30 miles to Daytona Beach
Average home price: $216,000


That's right folks, Florida is where I am meant to be...
I think I can learn to accept that... ; - )
LEAVE ME A COMMENT AND TELL ME WHAT YOUR NUMBER ONE SPOT IS!!

First post!

I just wanted to let everyone know that my first post was just published today on Who's Your Dachshund! Below is a little sample for you - but read the rest at whosyourdachshund.blogspot.com
Be sure to leave me a comment! xoxo, Bridget Marie

Merry Christmas!

Ladies and Gentleman, drum roll please! Presenting my 2008/2009 Christmas tree!!! (Enter loud trumpeting "TA-DA" here):
Yes, I feel very proud to have my own Christmas tree in my own apartment with my own two dogs and my own car and my own job. Wow, I've got a LOT to be thankful for this Christmas!
; - D

And for everyone's viewing pleasure I have added snow to my blog for the months of December and January! I am very excited that the season is here again!

Love to all!
And an early Merryyyy CHRISTMAS!!
Bridget Marie

First snow

This weekend, we had the first real snow of the season in Baltimore. It was a first for Merlot and Moses. I can't wait until it gets thicker and they can hop around in it! I didn't get many pictures of Merlot because she's so darn fast. But Moses is nice and slooowww...so I got some good ones!After a few hours of some running around outside, I had two veerrryyy tired puppies on my hands:
Soooo cute!
Happy tails,
Bridget Marie

It's Christmas Time!!

Last night, Jay and I took Merlot and Moses to Baltimore's Annual Lighting of the Washington Monument. The lighting ceremony features local entertainers, fireworks, food, craft vendors and holiday activities. Well, we didn't get to see much of any of that because it was PACKED. They closed off many of the streets around the monument to hold all the people. This is what the monument looks like during the day:
And this is what it looked like last night for the lighting!:
Here is us at the monument in Mt. Vernon!:
The puppies went a little squirmy when the fireworks went off, but it was beautiful and fun.
A jolly good time!

Merry Christmas to all!
Bridget

Ohh kidss....

In a tussle...

Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to work we go

Moses helping me out at work.
Yes, he's sitting in my paper tray...
(That is a dachshund stuffed animal beanie that he loves to play with when he is at work with me.)

back to the grind

If there was one way to describe my first day back, it would be this comic strip. I laughed for ten minutes after seeing it in today's newspaper...